0614am 23Aug2014 Insomnia in Room

This has got to be one of the weirdest things I've ever tried to do to make myself sleep.

There is so much that had gone on in the past few years, that finding the idea or even mood to write this has been hard,

First up, Robin Williams is gone. Let's just put it that way. I shan't say anymore, but he was a great actor, and I feel sad for the way he has left the world, and I wish that he is in a better place. RIP, Mr Williams.

A few minutes ago, I was still watching videos about him, and that's mostly what I've been doing all night. Watching videos of Stephen Fry, Hugh Laurie, Robin Williams, and searching up all sorts of stuff, about LEDs, the above mentioned people, of Dr House, whom Mr Laurie is famous for, of Black adder, which is another brilliant show.

What have I been thinking? Time has past, so much. I was online since 23xx hrs and still am online, like 6 plus hours later. I wish I knew the answer.

Has it been Grepolis? Skype? Youtube? Wikipedia? Or are those just tools, and the only thing keeping me awake has just been my curiosity and an inability to discipline myself to sleep? [Something which has been mentioned to me umpteen times already.]

Maybe I can say that the one of the few things which has been with me all this time, has been my habits, traits, personalities. One of the more profound, which has been affecting me, truth be told, has been:

Procrastination, Lack of Self Control and Lateness, which is also linked to lack of Time Management.

All these are the main things which, in a sense, are all linked to one another.

A good question which Leon had asked me a few days ago, on Tuesday, when I met up with Andy for dinner, was this: What are your life goals? i.e, what are your ambitions, dreams?
And what is it that motivates you? What makes you set all these goals?

Is it your goals that determines the path you take? Or is it that the path you are on now that determines the goals that you are setting? In essence, what he means is, am I goal oriented, or am I path oriented?

I feel as if the way I'm living now, is like I'm living from one day to the next. That is all.. It is just like a step above living mouth to foot. It's terrible, to be frank. And the way my parents are living, are not much different.

My mum has been doing little more than staying at home, and going for her Toastmasters sessions, to always be on the lookout of either more ideas to be better at her public speaking, or better ways to cook for us.
I know she always has the best intentions for the family at heart. That is who she is, and I know she can never change that.

Just like how I know deep down, that she loves us all very much, which is very much why she nags at me and never fails to remind me when I'm late for work [at the Caltex just below my house, in case you're wondering] and also how she always tries to wake me up earlier so I can do more stuff, watch more TV, as she puts it.

Somehow, I feel like I owe her so much. And yet, Idk. This is just so weird. I feel like I have been too hard on her, and yet, I feel like there is more she can do for the family, and yet, I don't want to pressure her. It's like she's this porcelain vase. She seems sturdy on the outside, and she is strong, but when you look closer, deeper in, you find that she can also be oh so delicate, that in fact, at certain times, she can be so fragile, and she longs for things, for people.

I don't know if is it because she has been so disciplined with herself all this time, and yet, so stubborn and straightforward with her mind, and also, she has such a strong moral compass, that it's so hard for me to understand her. It just takes more so much longer to know about her, about who she is as a person.

I should really get some sleep now. The sun is now already casting a light blue glow on the  house right outside my window. It's like a blue of the dim glow, a kind of blue you only can think of when you see the sky. I don't know how else to describe it. The best way would be, dawn sky blue.

Good morning, evening, or night everyone.

Peace to all.
Kiyoru Daevian Signing out.

Situation for the Upcoming weeks...

Yoz Everyone.

I know that this blog seems really really unused, but yea, I'm sure that in the upcoming weeks, its going to be used more often. [Hopefully, I guess.]

The reason why I'm now typing this post at this late hour, is that I need to let you all know about what's happening for the next few weeks, as this would most probably affect quite a bit of my plans, i.e: Stage without borders, and also like, just general outings that we would have...

To give context as to what is actually going on, I need to first back track to 4th March, Friday.

On the 4th, I went back to my aunt's house to visit them. It was quite a while back since I've last visited them, so I've had quite a bit of catching up I had to do with them...

After a while, the discussion was about some of the things they've noticed for quite a while. There was this incident in which I had just recieved a call from my First [or eldest] aunt, and she was looking for me, to ask me something about my braces appointment. However, as I had just woken up from my afternoon nap, I sounded quite grumpy over the phone.

2nd incident was when I was sleeping, my aunt had sent me a missed call, and I didn't know. Then she left me an sms asking me to call her back, but evidently, I had forgotten to do so.

Due to this, and some other incidents that had happened beforehand, they feel that some things should be done.

So, after a certain amount of discussion with them, my aunts decided that I would stay at their house for the duration from the 14th to 27th of March.

[[ok seriously, I think I should continue this later in the day (ie: afternoon), but for now, let me leave it at this...

Peace out,

Daevian aka Kiyoru]]

Last Post before my Trip.

In a few hours time, I'll be flying to Guangzhou, so this would be my last post for all my friends.

I'll be away from the 4th Dec all the way to the 13th, and I doubt there's going to be any internet access over there, so I'll be away from my computers [and laptops] throughout these 9 to 10 days.

I hope that all of you can understand.

To all my CG friends, I really wish that I could have told you all earlier about this, but I've been busy at work. 3rd Dec was my last day of work, so I've had to say my farewells to all my colleagues and stuff beforehand. So right now, I really hope that you all can pray for my safe and smooth trip to China, and that may the Lord grant me journey mercy.

I hope that through this camp, I'll learn more about myself, and also perhaps through the people there, see more of not just what I can do to people, but also of how fortunate I am, and how the Lord has provided me to go overseas when many others might not even have the chance to do so.

I really wish that I could have informed you all earlier, but now is still not too late. Anyways, I should go and rest now. I really wish that I could chat more, but my flight is in 3 hours time, and I need to wake up at 3.30 in order for me to reach the budget terminal at 4.15am .

Hope that all of you can keep me in your prayers, as I go for this trip, that I will return with fresh insights to not just myself, but also of all of the people around me.

To all of my friends, I hope that you all can be understanding of my situation, and that this will only be a short absence, and that I will come back again. I won't be gone for long.

Thank you all, and a good night.

Peace out. Alvin.

Day of understanding and distractions

Listening to: Imitation black, off vocal version.

Had a long day at work, and as tmr is off day for me, I hope to spend it with some of my friends, as a last meet up before my China trip.

As of now, I have more details from my mother, and am now reading through it. From what I can tell thus far, it's going to be in an institution located in the middle of a mountain valley, and apparently, I'll be one of the older students there as it's for 'youth' from 13 to 21. I won't be stating too many details, but basically there are a few things I'm discouraged from bringing.
1. Snacks / Food. 2. Any kind of games, [psp, poker cards, etc...] 3. Excess cash.

So, from what I can see, it seems that I won't be able to have much access to the outside world during this whole 10 days that I'm there. i.e: No computer access there, or handphone .... That sort of thing. As of now, I'm optimistic that things are going to turn out ok. I mean, I've been through field camps and stuff. But this is one of the first times I'm in a foreign country by myself, without parental or relative accompaniment.

Now, I would say that the same would apply for army, but I guess the only difference I can think of this time round would be that I'm in cold, unfamiliar environment, unlike in Sg, where the weather pretty much goes 2 ways, hot and sunny, or rainy and windy. Whereas in Guangzhou where I'm headed to, it's gonna be in winter, so there's going to be that added element.

In the checklist there seems to be stated that we should have some swimwear. Looks like we might have some water / river related activities. Judging from the checklist, it seems that there's lots that will be going on there. I'm now sort of beginning to look forward to going to China.

Listen. I know I originally may have voiced some of my unhappiness about wanting to go to China, but the thing is, now that the die is cast, I have learnt that perhaps it's time I should just go in with an open heart, to prepare now for the course, and to go there to see what this course is actually about.

For all we know, this could just be the turning point that I need now to push me to further heights! I mean, heck, this is already the 7th Sg group going to China le. If it wasn't good, don't you think they could get to this far? XD

I'm now going to rest now, but I hope that you all get the point. I have an appointment tmr morning with my friends, so I'll update here again tomorrow.

Nights, and God Bless.
Alvin

Day of Implications and Aftermath.

Update for all of my Friends, or everyone who knows me.
Firstly, I would like to say that a lot has happened since yesterday, until today.
I understand that the hour is late now, so I need to sleep soon.

The crux of the news is this: I will be away from Singapore on a course from 4th to 13th of December, going to a course in Guangzhou, China. It is held in a private institution in Guangzhou. It is a course for ages 13 to 21.
The way the course will be held is by games and activities, and from all these activities, we will learn about ourselves, and also about how to become a better person, and to see ourselves for who we truly are. [[As paraphrased from my mother. She has already paid for all of my expenses. She said that this was a gift for her, for the betterment of my future, and to see me become a more matured person.]]

One very big implication of this is that I will have to resign from my current job due to my employment agreement stated that I have to work certain hours a week, which would mean that I am not able to go for extended periods of time without working. Thus, even if I wanted, my manager has stated that most probably I won't be able to continue to work after I've come back from my course.
This basically means that I'll be unemployed again, as soon as I leave on the 4th of Dec.

This means I'll have to start finding a job all over again. and now, I really have no idea where I can start finding a job again.

One more thing: In my rush to go for my aunt's birthday, I had inadvertently left my ANBU costume in the toilet after changing. I had left the hanger and the garment bag beside the toilet, leading it to be mistaken as trash, and from what I know, the garment bag being thrown into the trash [without my costume in it].

As of right now, I still cannot find it back. The lost and found people have said they would inform me if they find it, but as of now, all I can say is this.

Whoever has taken my ANBU costume, know this. This costume has been worn before, and that I am willing to pay 100$ reward for the safe return of it. I know this may sound like a lot, but I know that it is worth that much to me. Please know this: I really need this costume, and would appreciate for it's safe return. If you need my contact details, pm me with proof of identity and possession of my items, I will contact you regarding meeting and payment details.

As of right now, I understand that all this is very sudden, and I myself still feel very unwilling to go. But as of now, the die is cast regarding my course and upcoming trip and I feel that there is little else I can do. All I can hope now is to start preparing for it.

Because of this trip, I won't be able to go to EOY and STGCC. I'm very sorry.

I will update all of you when I know more. As of now, good night, and I will keep you all updated until the day I fly off for Guangzhou. I don't know if I'll have internet access when I reach there, but I think not.

All the best, and peace. Alvin.

Dracoclava

This is like my first attempt in a long time of knitting anything.
Currently facing some problems on the side that is after the k8, k19 k8 part.

how does intarsia in the round work?

Another part is the whole part that is directly after the k20 rows.

Need more work now. Anyways, I need to rest now.

PS: 3x more days to Evan Dragon Master coming out. Yayz.

Peace out.

Post Event Syndrome

28th Dec/29th Dec.

It's been 2-3 days since the end of the last cosplay event[eoy09].
How do I feel? I've been feeling like what I felt directly after AFA, except that this time, it's been added with a sense of resignation.

At least the last time, I feel that I didn't have that much of a choice, so it may have been not so painful.

This time, I feel that there was somewhere in which more could have been done. As such, it was once again done to planning once again. I didn't measure before-hand the amount of fabric that was required for my cos.

As such, this resulted in me discovering at 3-4am on the 25th Dec that I didn't have enough of my fabric for me to finish up what I was supposed to do.

What am I supposed to feel now, you may say? Nothing right?
Perhaps. I do not know.
But instead of feeling nothing, I feel a sense of disappointment, of despair even, you may say.

It's more of like there's always this nagging thought process that goes through my mind that says : You could have done more sewing and drafting for your costume here, and you could have spent less time in the arcade, done more work when you had the time to do so, etc etc etc.. The list can still stretch on further, but you see where it leads to.

I feel now of more like... a sense of resignation, of almost being that I'm resigned to always being -- "In the process of " -- doing my costume.

But then, the fact is.. I have to go on. I've come thus far. Things have gone on long enough.

This all started during the Toycon/Coscon at Suntec, when I first saw the Renamon cosplay by Piggy. But where has it led me to?

As of now, as I look at my bed behind me, I see a head, a pair of wings, and a shirt-ish top of a suit. That's all. No pants, no feet, no tail.

There's still much to go on, my friend. There's still much that needs to be done.

There is no longer a deadline. I see no point in putting myself a deadline. All I can do to give myself the necessary motivation, is the simple fact that what I've started, I have to complete it..

Da's vidanya, comrade. Carpe Diem.

Alexander Tomas, signing off.