Fever pitch. [Literally]

I just recovered from a 38 degrees C high fever.

There, I said it.

And wow... It's April already. I'm amazed.. This has been 3 months since I first thought about having this blog... I had no idea I would keep this up for that long...

It's been an interesting 3 months, but I must say that the most uneasy and difficult time for me had to have been the last few weeks... With all the things happening, the new shocks around each corner, sure gave me lots to think about....

And for the past 5 days That I've been at home, I've been thinking about a lot of stuff, other than just taking meds here and there, eating porridge for just about every meal [other than the occasional bread and some jam]...

Perhaps it's been a blessing in disguise, given that it's come so close after my latest setback, *coughkuroshitsujicough*.. I'd not like to elaborate... If anyone would like to know more, go do some research to the word, there's always google...

I really don't understand it...
Why is it that I'm still thinking about going back to cosplay, even after all that has happened to me back in the past? Isn't the past enough of a lesson to let you know that perhaps its time to call it quits? Must you let the past come back and bite you again for you to learn?

I really find myself a very contradicting and conflicting person... On the one hand, you've had bad experiences from people flaming in the past, and yet now, just because of the Workshop, you're back at it again? Is it worth it? Do you think you should have continued on?

I guess what B said was right, I really should first just sort out my life first before even thinking about continuing in cosplay or any other things. There are some things that are more important than cosplay. It's just a hobby. What more can I say? It's not like you can eat cosplay or earn a living with it, right?

How I wish I could earn a living with it here, but unfortunately, no I can't.

There's so much more to life than just your hobbies, my dear boy... You need to get this clear first... You can't possibly always expect someone to be around you to be there for you, you know? You have to be there for yourself... I hop you can get this straight...

I really need to start to think about what I want to do with my life for the future, and not just continue with life not knowing what you want to do... You can't live life aimlessly, otherwise, you'd be nothing more than a nomad, an aimless wanderer, never knowing what to do.

I really hope to get out of this kind of situation... This just can't go on like this...
I need help.

Daevian. [ 0102 /100409]