0614am 23Aug2014 Insomnia in Room

This has got to be one of the weirdest things I've ever tried to do to make myself sleep.

There is so much that had gone on in the past few years, that finding the idea or even mood to write this has been hard,

First up, Robin Williams is gone. Let's just put it that way. I shan't say anymore, but he was a great actor, and I feel sad for the way he has left the world, and I wish that he is in a better place. RIP, Mr Williams.

A few minutes ago, I was still watching videos about him, and that's mostly what I've been doing all night. Watching videos of Stephen Fry, Hugh Laurie, Robin Williams, and searching up all sorts of stuff, about LEDs, the above mentioned people, of Dr House, whom Mr Laurie is famous for, of Black adder, which is another brilliant show.

What have I been thinking? Time has past, so much. I was online since 23xx hrs and still am online, like 6 plus hours later. I wish I knew the answer.

Has it been Grepolis? Skype? Youtube? Wikipedia? Or are those just tools, and the only thing keeping me awake has just been my curiosity and an inability to discipline myself to sleep? [Something which has been mentioned to me umpteen times already.]

Maybe I can say that the one of the few things which has been with me all this time, has been my habits, traits, personalities. One of the more profound, which has been affecting me, truth be told, has been:

Procrastination, Lack of Self Control and Lateness, which is also linked to lack of Time Management.

All these are the main things which, in a sense, are all linked to one another.

A good question which Leon had asked me a few days ago, on Tuesday, when I met up with Andy for dinner, was this: What are your life goals? i.e, what are your ambitions, dreams?
And what is it that motivates you? What makes you set all these goals?

Is it your goals that determines the path you take? Or is it that the path you are on now that determines the goals that you are setting? In essence, what he means is, am I goal oriented, or am I path oriented?

I feel as if the way I'm living now, is like I'm living from one day to the next. That is all.. It is just like a step above living mouth to foot. It's terrible, to be frank. And the way my parents are living, are not much different.

My mum has been doing little more than staying at home, and going for her Toastmasters sessions, to always be on the lookout of either more ideas to be better at her public speaking, or better ways to cook for us.
I know she always has the best intentions for the family at heart. That is who she is, and I know she can never change that.

Just like how I know deep down, that she loves us all very much, which is very much why she nags at me and never fails to remind me when I'm late for work [at the Caltex just below my house, in case you're wondering] and also how she always tries to wake me up earlier so I can do more stuff, watch more TV, as she puts it.

Somehow, I feel like I owe her so much. And yet, Idk. This is just so weird. I feel like I have been too hard on her, and yet, I feel like there is more she can do for the family, and yet, I don't want to pressure her. It's like she's this porcelain vase. She seems sturdy on the outside, and she is strong, but when you look closer, deeper in, you find that she can also be oh so delicate, that in fact, at certain times, she can be so fragile, and she longs for things, for people.

I don't know if is it because she has been so disciplined with herself all this time, and yet, so stubborn and straightforward with her mind, and also, she has such a strong moral compass, that it's so hard for me to understand her. It just takes more so much longer to know about her, about who she is as a person.

I should really get some sleep now. The sun is now already casting a light blue glow on the  house right outside my window. It's like a blue of the dim glow, a kind of blue you only can think of when you see the sky. I don't know how else to describe it. The best way would be, dawn sky blue.

Good morning, evening, or night everyone.

Peace to all.
Kiyoru Daevian Signing out.